Groundhog Day 2021: Phil’s prediction is in!

Each year on February 2, people from across America gather to see if Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow. As the legend goes, if his shadow is present, winter will last for six more weeks, but in these uncertain times, we can’t even be sure what the groundhog predicted for 2021.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Groundhog Jim, after assuring us that is in fact his legal, government name, “I’ve been making the pilgrimage to hear the prediction straight from the hog himself since 1985. I plan the rest of my year around whether we’ll have an early spring or not. But today…” he paused, adjusting his commemorative groundhog ears, “I’ve just never seen anything like it.”

When the famous groundhog emerged from his hole, attendees waited for his verdict with bated breath and eyes focused on the ground in front of him. A collective gasp was overheard as a shadow materialized.

“What we saw today was a trick. It had to be!!!” said Margaret Coterie, Punxsutawney Phil’s manager, “I mean, just look at him, then look at that shadow. Even if he was… well-endowed, he would never flaunt it like that. No, this must have been a prank from our competition. It is not his shadow, and that is all I can say on the matter.”

The shadow that materialized when Phil stood in the sun shocked the crowd that had been patiently awaiting his verdict. Tears, screams, and a few laughs filled the surrounding area of Gobbler’s Knob, the historic landmark that has always been the site of Groundhog Day festivities and has nothing to do with what was seen today.

“I think that it is clear that what happened today is someone’s twisted idea of a joke,” said Janet Penn, Director of Groundhog Day Community Relations, “That someone would do something like this, on this day that we have celebrated since the 18th century, is frankly despicable. Our focus now is making sure that Phil is okay after today’s events. I think it’s safe to say that there will, in fact, be six more weeks of winter, but that is NOT his fault.”

At the time of publication, there are no suspects for what the Groundhog Day team assures us was just a childish prank executed from a place of jealousy and hatred of a sacred tradition. We here at Memestudium are disappointed, but not surprised, that the hog’s verdict will result in a longer winter, and hope that the prank threw off what was meant to signal an early spring.