Forget Thoughts, Prayers, and Gun Control - Fake Kids are the Future

The Fairview School District has announced plans of their new school initiative utilizing modern robotics to create “fake” students to roam schools in an effort to lower the numbers of future school shootings.

“We are excited to announce our new initiative, Robotic Shield, that will be taking effect at the beginning of the Spring semester next year. It is our hope that during the next shooting to take place, our K12 Robotic Model Children will cause confusion and act as a false target when the next shooter arrives to do harm.” says John Smithwesson, Public Relations and Communication Manager, Fairview School District

The K12 Robotic Model Children (K12 RMC) are certainly one-of-a-kind! They come in varying sizes, shapes, and synthetic ethnicities, plus they’re gender-neutral! They come with everything you expect a cowering child victim to do, including synthetic screams of terror, crying, and frantic running. However, while normal little human kids run away from mass murderers, when violence erupts nearby, the K12 RMC will strategically run toward a shooter, arms outstretched as a sacrifice.

“It is our hope that given the current trend of artificial intelligence, we will soon be able to give our Robotic Model Children a conscience and the proper training to subdue a would-be-killer themselves. With a true conscience, they should hopefully feel the same fear as real kids do, giving them that additional desperation when their programming forces them into battle.” says Willy Warka, Head Engineer, Soon To Come Robotics.

Warka adds, “It is my dream that in the near future, only robotic children will be killed during school shootings.”

Now that’s a future we can all pray for.