Smithy Can’t Find the Grapes
Smithy, devastated by the absence of grapes (2019)
Bro where are all the grapes?!?!?!?!? What happened here?! Like I’m seriously for real confused.
Today I woke up, slapped my girl’s ass, laced up my Nike Air Foamposite Ones (bro you gotta have the Foamposites LMAOO), took a FAT hit from my JUUL (Virginia Tobacco), cursed out my mom, and headed over to the SPOT aka my boy Kevin’s dad’s vineyard. As I pull up (listening to “birds in the trap sing mcknight”), I quickly notice my boy Luis, aka Big L, is not pulling weeds and shit. In fact, nobody is pulling weeds or whatever, not even José, Camila (7/10), Santiago, Mateo, Mariana (3/10), or Natalia (5.5/10).
I’m standing there and think to myself “yo what?” and then I get the idea to call my boy Kevin aka Big K. So I hit his line….nothing. Now you might be thinking “so what, not everyone answers their phone right away” but NOT BIG K. Kevin is Notorious B.I.G for answering his phone at ALL times. Once, back in 13th grade aka college I hit this man up at 4:46 am, and one ring later we’re chopping it up and he’s already on his way to scoop me from my mom’s so I can go hook up with Michaela (9/10).
Kevin is ride or die. If there ever was just one fact in the world it’d be that Kevin is ride or die and that he answers his phone all the time. That might be two facts but hey you know what they say “Two birds in the trap sing mcknight is better than one”. After I Google “grapes?” I realize that I’m on my own with this situation, so I call my mom up and ask her what’s going on with all these grapes and she hangs up immediately.
Now here I am, alone in the vineyard, alone in the world, tying the laces from my Nike Air Foamposite Ones into a noose and I’m about to end it all.
Deuces...
Smithy Jefferson
The laces broke.
Oh and Kevin called back (his dad took his phone) and said it’s winter and the grapes will be back later and that it’s Christmas so everyone is off work. I’m bout to go grab some Tropical Smoothie, cop some new laces, and return once the grapes are back.
Deuces again…
Smithy Jefferson
