Aunts Everywhere are Freaking Out over the Newly Announced HGTV Streaming Service

Home and Garden TV is putting themselves back on the market with the creation of their brand-new streaming service HGTVBS, Home and Garden TV But Streaming. Aunts everywhere are raving about this new service which will be launching with all their favorite programs, as well as not one, but two new exclusive shows! Facebook is likely to see a decrease in activity on the day of launch due a good portion of their user base being busy watching nice cupboards being built and gardens being, uh, gardened.

HGTVBS’s first all-new, exclusive show is the riveting The Last House Hunters. This scripted action-drama follows the life of Derrick, a wise-cracking ex-home realtor who is confronting a post-apocalyptic wasteland created by sentient killer Homes. In this world, a House Hunter is someone who seeks out and demolishes these killer homes. After the Great Suburban Wars, Derrick was not only left jobless, but his entire family was also murdered. It is up to him and a small band of House Hunters to take back their world, and their lives. The Last House Hunters also marks the first time that HGTV has admitted to scripted programming.

The second exclusive show is entitled Around the World in 800 Years. Realtor and TV personality, Sally Selerton, has signed a $30K annual, eight-generation contract with this sure-to-be streaming dwarf. This show promises to visit every home in America*. Sally will begin her journey at the very top of Maine, and her great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild/grandautobot will finish the series in the hopefully-still-afloat state of Hawaii.

You can add HGTVBS to your already-cluttered collection of streaming services for $3.50/month, beginning this summer. 

(*HGTV has stated that this only includes nice houses so as to avoid “the poors.”)