St. Patrick’s Day 2021: Local Man Decides to Learn About History

With local restrictions still in place preventing gatherings, second generation Irish-American, Ian McKinley, was forced to spend St. Patrick’s Day learning about the background of his culture’s holiday instead of going to the bars and getting wasted like he hoped.

“When I heard that we couldn’t go out and get fucked up, I was pissed,” said McKinley, a third-year student at Michigan State University, “I mean, every other holiday has some deep meaning that we’re supposed to think about, like on Easter we have to go to church and learn about how Jesus woke up or whatever, and St. Patrick’s Day is the only day where the whole point is just to ball out with your bros and have a good time! I hate this stupid pandemic. It’s just ruined everything for me.”

Luckily for McKinley, St. Patrick’s Day celebrates a champion of someone who had everything ruined and then turned it around. The holiday’s namesake was kidnapped at the age of 16 and brought to Ireland as a slave, where he escaped but eventually decided to come back to the country and convert it to christianity, which resulted in being named the patron saint of Ireland. Many legends are told about him now, and we here at Memestudium assume if he were alive today, he would raise a glass of green beer to McKinley and assure him that he too can turn this around.

“I mean, I guess learning about it isn’t all bad,” said McKinley, “Like, the guy that it was named after fought a bunch of snakes or something and that’s pretty dope. I guess that it makes sense to party for him because he was some super christian guy or whatever so he probably couldn’t drink so we have to do it for him. Next year, I’m bringing some rubber snakes to the bar and I’m gonna fight them for the homie. I think it’s just the right thing to do.”